Apologies II

This is part 2 of my post on apolgies.

Read Part 1 of this post here!

42 Additional Things You Should Never Apologize For (And Why)

38. Never apologize for ordering dessert. Especially if the menu offers one of those chocolate volcano brownie thingies. (Insert Homer Simpson drooling sound.)

39. Never apologize for pulling your triggers for joy. Screw it. If it makes you happy, do it. Unless strangling people with Ethernet cables makes you happy.

40. Never apologize for reclaiming what is rightfully yours. There’s a difference between entitlement and basic human rights,

41. Never apologize for rooting for the Yankees. Even if they do buy their way to victory. They’re still the greatest sports franchise in the history of the world. Do the math and show some respect.

42. Never apologize for saying how you feel. That’s like saying sorry for being real.

43. Never apologize for saying no. Especially when you’re doing so to reinforce your boundaries and create a space for the right “yes” to come into your life.

44. Never apologize for self-promotion. It’s not shameless when all you’re doing is transferring your love. That’s what self-promotion truly is: Transference of emotion. Remember: If you don’t make a name for yourself, someone will make one for you. Just don’t be too shameless.

45. Never apologize for setting high standards and enforcing them. Ditch those frightened people who tell you to play smaller just to appease their insecurity. Try telling them to play bigger.

46. Never apologize for sharing your gifts and talents with the world. This is the purpose of your life and the validation of your existence. To take whatever unique gift you’ve been given and re-gift it to the world. Not doing so isn’t just selfish – it’s stupid.

47. Never apologize for speaking your mind. Honesty makes people uncomfortable. Good. Comfortable people rarely take action.

48. Never apologize for sticking to your values. Especially if you’re only doing so to avoid making someone else uncomfortable. Tough shit. If people can’t handle someone who stands up for what he believes, that’s their problem.

49. Never apologize for taking a break. Learning to press your Off Button is the single most important lesson you could ever learn.

50. Never apologize for telling an unpopular truth. Honest trumps comfort.

51. Never apologize for telling the truth. You’re doing people a favor. Especially yourself. Honesty is the single source of all the world’s stress.

52. Never apologize for things that make you laugh your ass off. Funny is funny. Don’t feel bad for laughing. Don’t look to see if the King laughed. Just let the humor wash over you. It’s healthy.

53. Never apologize for things you can’t change. Instead, figure out what you CAN change and get to work.

54. Never apologize for thinking something was possible. That’s what possiblitarians do. They walk around the problems mentally and prayerfully and see what they see. They face problems artfully and lovingly enough to convert them into something beautiful. They believe.

55. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. I call it a “Victory Dance.” It’s about celebration. It’s about ritual. It’s about rewarding yourself.

56. Never apologize for voicing a reasonable complaint. When everyone assumes somebody is going to say something, nobody says anything. It’s called diffusion of involvement, and it’s the murderer of the collective voice of man. Don’t feel bad for complaining. As long as you suggest three actions for every one complaint, you’re all right in my book. Unless your complaint is about my book. In which case we might actually have a problem.

57. Never apologize for walking away from a relationship that was holding you back from being the best version of yourself. Even when delivering the death stroke causes your partner significant pain. Don’t say you’re sorry. You might feel terrible. You might feel like a horrible person. And you might feel more guilt than ever before in your life. But don’t say you’re sorry. Those words help nobody.

58. Never apologize for what needed to be done. You were kind, honest and true; and it was the right thing to do. Good for you.

59. Never apologize for what you don’t feel. That’s a betrayal of your truth. And saying sorry for doing so compounds your inauthenticity.

60. Never apologize for what you’re about to say. Immediate personal discounting denotes lack of confidence and reduces listenability.

61. Never apologize for what’s important to you. If you do, then it’s probably not that important to you.

62. Never apologize for who you really are. Brag about it. Shout it from the rooftops.

63. Never apologize for your art. That defeats the whole purpose of creating art.

64. Never apologize for your attempts at humor. Even if they’re totally lame.

65. Never apologize for your boundaries. They are limits that promote integrity. And if you don’t set them for yourself, others will set them for you.

66. Never apologize for your brand. Branding is the best, highest version of yourself – (plus) – the way people experience themselves in relation to you. Not everyone will like it. And if everybody does, you’re doing something wrong.

67. Never apologize for your displays of affection. My quota is to say, “I love you” to at least one person a day. What’s yours?

68. Never apologize for your enthusiasm. Next time someone tells you to “tone it down” a little, look her straight in the eye and say, “How about you tone it UP a little?”

69. Never apologize for your faith. You’re entitled to your own definition of God. Just promise not to beat people over the head with it.

70. Never apologize for your fundamental values. That’s who you are. At your core. Your personhood. Your foundation. That’d be like a cayenne paper saying sorry for being spicy. Not cool.

71. Never apologize for your happiness. Especially when people get on your case for being in such a good mood. Just smile and hope it rubs off.

72. Never apologize for your natural abilities. Instead, leverage that which comes easy to you in the service of others.

73. Never apologize for your obsessions. As long as your obsessions aren’t hurting others or the world – have at it, hauss.

74. Never apologize for your own sense of beauty. If it touches your heart, ignites your soul or moves your spirit, it’s beautiful. To you. Doesn’t matter if it’s a bald eagle, a song by The Smiths or puddle of mud outside of Bob Evan’s. Beauty is subjective and nobody has the right to take it away from you.

75. Never apologize for passionately going for what you want. Stop kidding yourself about the things that you “need.” It’s all about what you WANT. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting.

76. Never apologize for your pricing. You deserve to be compensated commensurate with your value. State your feel confidently and shut up. He who speaks next, loses.

77. Never apologize for your success. Instead, figure out the lessons attached to your victory path and share them with others.

78. Never apologize for your taste. Guilty pleasures, schmilty pleasures. If you love reading trashy romance novels that use words like “throbbing member” and have Fabio on the cover, go for it.

79. Never apologize for your value. You worked very hard to establish it and you’ll be damned if you’re going to back down now. Stand up, speak up and sell the hell out of it.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What do you refuse to apologize for?
* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
scott@hellomynameisscott.com

Apologies I

When I facilitate leadership workshops, the topic of apologizing always comes up.

There are some leaders/managers who see apologizing as a weakness. Apologizing, to them, is a way that makes them lose face.


Most managers/leaders, however,  recognize the need to apologize. They understand that in apologizing for their errors, that they actually build their credibility. I think we all know people, including bosses who never apologize. Those people lose our respect as we continually see them deny responsiblity and often blame others when things go wrong. 


I think that apologies are always important in all relationships at work and at home. However, it does often happen that there are times when people apologize for things they don't need to. There are also people who "over" apologize. It seems that they are always saying sorry, even when it is completely unnecessary. I know that I am one of those people who seems to apologize too much. There's nothing like being called on it when you're in the middle of an apology. And while they are right it's sure hard to stop mid-stride.



It is important for those of us who do apologize too much, to acknowledge that the very act of giving an unneeded apology can often actually be insulting. I think that knowing that has helped me to recognize when I am apologizing too much.


A friend recently directed me to the site of Scott Ginsberg and his post:

37 Things You Should Never Apologize For (And Why)


1. Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Listening to your body – then taking action on what you hear – is the hallmark of heroic people.

2. Never apologize for all the tears you’ve cried. Crying cleanses the soul. Shoot for once a month. Even if it's just a brief mist at a tender moment in a sad movie.

3. Never apologize for anything in your portfolio. If you feel the need to do so, it probably doesn’t belong in your portfolio in the first place.

4. Never apologize for asking for what you need. The answer to every question you DON’T ask is always no.

5. Never apologize for asking questions. When you stop asking questions, you don’t just run out of answers – you run out of hope.

6. Never apologize for asserting yourself. The word “assert” comes from the Latin asserere, which means, “to claim, maintain or affirm.” And that’s exactly what you’re entitled to: Your opinion. Your belief. Your say. Let nobody take it away from you.

7. Never apologize for being a health nut. Next time someone says, “What are you, on a diet or something?” look them straight in the eye and say, “Yeah – you got a problem with that?” Then, when they back down, you go right back to eating your tofu.

8. Never apologize for being a newbie. Everyone great chess master was once a beginner.

9. Never apologize for being early for an appointment. In the history of Corporate America, no employee has ever been fired for consistently arriving ten minutes early to every meeting.

10. Never apologize for being funny. The world is too damn serious. We need you. Seriously.

11. Never apologize for being human. Once you do, you’re no longer human – you’re a cyborg.

12. Never apologize for being passionate. Unless you’re passionate about stabbing strangers with broken Coke bottles.

13. Never apologize for being smart. That’s the ONE thing the government, the media (and every other entity that’s trying to control you) is terrified of: Smart people who take action. Be one of those people.

14. Never apologize for being the age that you are. It’s just a number. “A chicken ain’t nothing but a bird,” as my Grandpa likes to say.

15. Never apologize for breaking a rule that isn’t really a rule. Be proud of yourself for being a rule breaker. Then go break another one.

16. Never apologize for calling bullshit on someone. Especially when nobody else is the room is going to do it and this person REALLY needs to be taken to task.

17. Never apologize for demanding respect. If you’ve demonstrated that you deserve respect by giving it to others first, you’re good to go.

18. Never apologize for disagreeing. Especially if you do so respectfully. On the other hand, if you’re disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, or because of your pathological need to be right, that’s a different story.

19. Never apologize for expressing yourself. That’s all “leadership” is: The full, free expression of your truth. Don’t say you’re sorry for that.

20. Never apologize for falling in love. Your heart’s calling the shots.

21. Never apologize for falling OUT of love. Your heart’s still calling the shots – even when you throw up an air ball.

22. Never apologize for getting something off your chest. That which you suppress will find a home in your body. And then it will trash the place.
23. Never apologize for giving it your best shot. As my Grandpa also reminds me, “You do the best you can with as many as you can.”

24. Never apologize for growing up privileged. As long as you scrap the entitlement attitude, remain grateful for everything you’ve ever been given and respect the life situation of those who are less fortunate, it’s all good.

25. Never apologize for having an overabundance of love in your life. Instead, circulate what you’ve got. Pay it forward. Share it. People need it. Especially St. Louis Rams fans. God we suck.

26. Never apologize for lack of experience. Instead, share your Learning Plan; demonstrate your dedication to lifelong learning and practice becoming the world’s expert at learning from your experiences.

27. Never apologize for lack of information. Ignorance is acceptable. Staying ignorant, however, is stupid.

28. Never apologize for liking stupid movies. Movie snobs annoy me. Some of my favorite movies are among the most ridiculous films ever made. So I love Road House. Sue me.

29. Never apologize for living your truth. Few things in the world are more important.

30. Never apologize for looking out for yourself. Self-preservation is a primary driver of human behavior. It’s how we’re wired.

31. Never apologize for loving yourself. If you do, you probably don’t love yourself as much as you thought.

32. Never apologize for making a decision from the heart. Remember: It’s not thee truth – it’s YOUR truth.

33. Never apologize for needing alone time. Solitude is soil. Solitude is medicine. And if you don’t get your fix every day, your life will suffer.

34. Never apologize for needing to use the bathroom. Yesterday a girl in my yoga class walked out of the room and actually said to the teacher, “I have to pee, I’m SO sorry.” Unbelievable.

35. Never apologize for not being there when someone called. You have a life, too. People can’t expect you to wait eagerly by the phone all hours of the day.

36. Never apologize for not embracing someone else’s agenda. Especially if that agenda robs you of your true talent.

37. Never apologize for occasional absentmindedness. Everyone’s brain farts.


What do you refuse to apologize for?
* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur

There is a second part to this post. Watch for it. I'd also recommend checking his site. Hello, my name is Blog! The Brain of Scott Ginsberg.


I've also posted this on my Life in Balance page.

Personal Leadership and Owning Your Mistakes

In Harvard Business Review, on April 28, 2010 Amy Gallo wrote an article titled "You've Made a Mistake. Now What."


As Gallo states, "Mistakes play a critical role in leadership development...By demonstrating that you've changed as a result of your mistake, you reassure your superiors, peers, and direct reports that you can be trusted with equally important tasks or decisions in the future."


As we all know, the very essence of being human is that we will err. Mistakes are a part of the experience of being human. The issue is most often not that we've made a mistake, but rather how we handle our mistakes. Do we learn from them? It is how we take care of our mistakes that marks us a person, as a leader.

Made a mistake?

Own it.

Fix it.

Learn from it.

That is the sign that used to be on our fridge when the kids were growing up. It didn't matter so much that the kids or we made mistakes, but rather how we took care of it.

Do we accept responsibility? Do we make the effort to fix the mistake, and do we learn from it so that we are less likely to repeat that error again?

We can create opportunities from our mistakes, they don't have to be black marks of regret. Mistakes are opportunities to be human and vulnerable, and to learn and grow.

Read Amy Gallo's article for more insight into workplace mistakes and accountability.

Appreciation

So many times we forget to thank people for the things they have done. Sometimes we thank them, but we don't say what for. That may sound silly, but it helps to be specific. What are we thankful for? How did their actions impact us? Can we be specific?

We know that when children are always told thank you and that they are special, but are never told why, the words lose their meaning.

On the other hand, if we say thank you in an appropriate way, immediately and are specific about what the impact it, it makes a great deal of difference. "Thank you, for remembering to unload the dishwasher without being asked. When I got home, and found it already done, it was such a nice surprise and I could start making supper."

It carries over to the workplace and to our relationships as adults. We have to remember to appreciate what people do for us and with us, too. "Thank you for checking the numbers on that data when you did the report. I didn't expect you to do that, but because you did I was able to answer some other questions at the meeting that I hadn't anticipated." Explaining the specifics and impact of those things that people have done, whether their action has been large or small, makes all the difference.

Simple Truths has a video that goes with their book The Simple Truths of Appreciation it's just one example of how we can make a really big difference. It's a nice video.

How Appreciation Builds Engagement

In previous posts I've begun discussing the need to engage employees, and the role that leaders play in engagement. One of the keys to engagement is in how we recognize one another. Do we thank one another? Do we appreciate one another?

Here is another article I've found that explores the need to appreciate. It considers everything from sharing credit to saying thank you. It is another clear example of how appreciatiation is a fundamental part of engagement. 

It certainly makes sense. Why would you or I be engaged if we didn't feel appreciated for our hard work and effort? Why would we continually work hard and give our best? We may have many intrinsic motivators but at a certain point it would be very difficult to continue and not begin to look for work somewhere else where we would feel that we were appreciated and valued.  

Creating a Thank You Culture

What if leaders began really thinking about the way they engaged their employees? What if they began to recognize that they didn't need to do this in dramatic and big ways?

So many employees just want some simple acknowledgment that they are actually THERE!

In the busy days of work, there are still many bosses who rarely say good morning, believe saying thank you is the weekly pay cheque, and if they have a large staff they are excused from knowing people's names.

Employees aren't alway looking for bonuses and promotions. They are looking for the simple courtesies that give them a sense of validity and dignity. 

Creating a thank you culture in your work place goes a long way to begin this process, even when you know all of your employees' names. It is something that happens at all levels within the work environment; peer to peer, boss to employee, and employee to boss.

Check this link for some more insight on this topic: http://www.nicheforecasting.co.nz/newsletters/NZHerald.pdf

Employee Engagement

There is a really interesting post titled "Career Success Through Engagement at Work" on a blog by Clarice Hubler. She cites Gallup research about Employee Engagement. http://claricehubler.rayonu.com/2010/05/25/career-success-through-engagement-at-work/

The thing about leadership is that it is essential to be able to engage your employees. Even if you do not have direct reports, it is can be helpful to actually engage anyone you work with. It's different in some ways, when it is a colleague, but we work in teams and partnerships, in connection with one another and we either engage or disengage each other.

How Full is Your Bucket?

The Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket
"Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied of filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it's empty, we feel awful.
Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people's buckets - by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions - we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from others' buckets - by saying or doing thints that decrease their positive emotions - we diminish ourselves." How Full is Your Bucket (p. 5)

These are the first parapraphs of How Full is Your Bucket written by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton Phd. This grandson and grandfather duo, both Gallup researchers and leaders take an interesting look at positivity and its connection to relationships, both personal and professional, as well as to productivity. The book also touches on customer service and most importantly it spends a great deal of time in discussion about employee recognition and engagement. In fact, this is the sort of book that would be really interesting to give to a management team if you were starting them on a recognition program. It provides a good rationale for employee recognition and then it provides some suggestions for getting started.

I'm not a total fan of their "drops," approach, however, as I can see it having the potential to become a bit trite. I can see certain managers overusing these, withouth really grasping their value. I can also see employees seeing them as impersonal after awhile, if managers relied on only this approach.

Certainly Rath and Clifton express the philosophy that "positivity must be grounded in reality." (p. 45) They also cite that "More than 13 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction could decrease productivity." (p. 44) The issue to me is that managers could really buy into employee recognition, without understanding the whole picture. They would really need to be willing to learn about it from all aspects and then to practice it.

In any case, the book is a good start to understanding why employee recognition is so necessary in the workplace, how positivity creates productivity, and how to build positive emotions; all great for building personal and workplace relationships.

Authenticity

“To the world you are just one person; but to one person you may be the world,” was written by health and hospital advocate, Josephine Billings. The impact of our behaviours, words, attitudes, choices, etc. are very significant to the individuals we meet every day, but those impacts are not always readily visible, because we rarely ask or reflect.

How we show up in the world is our personal choice. This choice is based on our own level of recognition of our own personal ability to make that very choice. Many of us often live by accident. The way we live is often simply a result of each situation and how we are feeling that day. We do not always realize that we have power to control how we live, based on our personal choices, and that these choices may be planned, managed, and executed with proactive behaviours and wisdom. This very choice to live on purpose, with power over our choices and behaviours is what personal leadership is about. It is also the very essence of authenticity.

When we behave with personal leadership, choosing how we show up in the world and doing this in an authentic way, it affects all aspects of our lives. Who, then, is an authentic person and how do we become one?

Peter Block, author of Flawless Consulting, defines authenticity as “putting into words what you are experiencing as you work,” Block further suggests that being authentic in consulting is “the most powerful thing you can do to have the leverage you are looking for and to build client commitment.” (Block, 1981, p. 37) In a class discussion Block clarified “putting into words what we are feeling in the moment,” by stating that “it can be confused with being open and honest…which is putting our projections or judgments on someone.”
Block’s words challenge us to stay objective and to remove ego from interactions. Ego has been most popularly defined as that aspect of conceit that suggests that the world’s events and people’s actions centre around us. This part of ourselves that takes others’ actions, words, and judgments personally is the type of ego being discussed. Not the healthier aspect of ego, self-confidence, which some also refer to as ego. Therefore, Block is dares us to remove the aspect of ego that creates personal investment in how people respond to us, out of the picture. By removing this personal investment, we are able to also begin to remove projections and judgments from interactions.
Removing personal projections and judgments from interactions is not an easy task. However, the Arbinger Institute’s book, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box, challenges us to do just that. It is a book that is truly an experience, the profound qualities of this book come from our own personal introspection as we not only read, but practice the concepts of the book. While this book is difficult to explain, it definitely has a strong connection to authenticity.

Leadership and Self Deception challenges us to really look at the motives and feelings that lie at the heart of behaviours and judgments. It suggests that when we sit in judgment of a person or an action, we have stepped into “the box.” In the box we see everyone else as the problem. This box is one that blinds us to our own short-comings, allows us to justify our own poor behaviours, and perpetuates our behaviours that are most difficult to examine and adjust. These are the behaviours that may seem inappropriate when looked at in isolation, yet we will often justify as appropriate based on our perceptions of others’ behaviours. This calls to mind familiar phrases of “he made me,” “If she hadn’t done ___, I wouldn’t have done ___.” In other words, we often find ourselves acting in certain ways that we feel are justified, because of someone else.

The attached video displays just how our own blind spots can keep us from seeing how we affect our world, and are often unable to see how we create our own problems. While the video is about a scientific example, it is the nudge used within the book to draw people to look at their own behaviours.

Leadership and Self-Deception essentially calls us on this dysfunctional behaviour and requires us to revisit our justifications. No one can make us do anything, so we are deceiving ourselves when we say they are. This reminder brings us to a reminder of what it is to be authentic. The book explores a way of being that steps past negative relationships, ineffective communication, and poor behavioural patterns. These explorations challenge us to look at the world from a very different paradigm, if we really wants to create a change in life and relationships.

The book also requires us reader to step away from any sort of judgment. In order to stay out of the box, we must look at the intent of both our actions and our words. We are asked to be courageous enough to ask: why am I saying this? Why am I doing this? If we determine that our true intent is to manipulate, or to try to change another’s behaviour, we realize we have re-entered the box. There is an absolutely direct connection between the advice of staying out of the box and being authentic.

There is more to the authentic journey, however. Leadership and Self-Deception and Peter Block require us to have the courage to speak from our truth; our beliefs and values. These are absolutely essential to authenticity. However, what if we do not have a true sense of direction, purpose, or values?
Bill George’s book, Authentic Leadership: Rediscovering the Secrets to Creating Lasting Value really provides a road map for those who are trying to determine what their authenticity is. George suggests that there are 5 dimensions of authenticity: purpose, values, relationships, self-discipline, and heart. These dimensions truly bring us to the recognition that while intentions may be pure and words may be without judgment, a lack of understanding of these qualities of authenticity will simply create an authentic person who has no direction. Without direction, at some point or another, we will also falter in our desire to live authentically. This brings us back to the opening paragraphs and the statement that many people live life by accident. Authentic Leadership challenges the reader to live life on purpose.

To be truly authentic, then, is not just a way of interacting, perceiving others, or building relationships. Authenticity also requires a sense of who we are and what we want from our lives. It can be a test of our values. Are they words on a list, that we say are important, or do we live them? What sort of relationships do we have, and how do we foster them? Are we consistent in our behaviours? Do we have the self-discipline to walk our talk? Do we have compassion and empathy? Are we able to show these and to reserve our judgment?

For me, the desire to live authentically is a constant battle of behaviours, perceptions and attitudes. I have an understanding of the word, and I have qualities of authenticity from George. Recently I have begun to explore Kevin Cashman's Leading from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life. In this book, Cashman explores what he describes as 7 pathways to developing leadership. I believe it will be a book that will help show the way. I have not had the opportunity to really digest and begin to try his precepts.

However, one book and its principles, which currently helps me to explore living with authenticity is Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Practicing the habits is a way for me to be more purposeful in how I live and embrace authenticity. Quite frankly, it helps me bring Bill George’s 5 dimensions to life.

For instance, I have developed my own personal mission statement as a part of Habit 2 of the 7 Habits. This mission is a declaration of my purpose and values. It is my personal code of conduct, or terms of reference. By knowing what I stand for, who I want to be, and how I want to live, I am able to be stand firm in my values and beliefs. When there are challenges in life, I can refer to my own mission and values as a checkpoint for the difficult decisions and situations. If I am unsure as to a course of action, they allow me to remember who I am and what I want and from there the decision becomes clearer. This ability to use them as a guide post for my actions is also the practice of Habit 3. Covey quotes playwright Johann Goethe in his various writing on Habit 3: “Things that matter most, should never be at the mercy of things that matter least.”

The living of my purpose and values is only part of my quest for authenticity. These actions help me determine how I want to show up in the world. The 7 Habits also helps me to establish how I want to be in the world. When I practice Habit 1, for instance, I am reminded that I have a choice in how I will respond. I also am reminded that the only thing I really can change is myself. No one can “make” me mad, happy, angry, sad. These are my responses, that I choose. It is in these understandings of my ability to choose my responses and actions that I recognize that I have the power to also remove my judgment from my responses to people’s behaviours. I can return to Block’s words and choose authentic responses.

My desire to live authentically is also supported by my continuous quest to think abundantly and to seek to understand. These two objectives are the underlying foundation of Habits 4 and 5. In thinking abundantly, or thinking win-win, I can be generous in my actions and responses to others. I do not need to have people agree with me in order to be validated. An abundant mindset allows me to recognize that there are many points of view. Seeking to understand continues to support my authentic journey, as it is in truly being willing to understand another that I am able to let go of my personal investment in needing others to agree with me.

When I have my mission and values to guide me, my priorities in order, a willingness to value others’ views and a recognition that I am not less of a person if someone disagrees, I am able to move to really living authentically. I am able to honour both my own needs and the needs of others, to live and communicate with synergy and balance, the essence of Habits 6 and 7.

Bill George uses a whole chapter to discuss the need to lead a balanced life in Authentic Leadership. I believe that recognizing our needs to maintain health and wellness and to live a balanced life are a part of authenticity. For one thing, when we are unhealthy and stressed, it is more difficult to be authentic. In times of stress it is hard to stay objective and remove judgment. These abilities are easiest to maintain and draw upon when we are balanced and focussed. It is also harder to uphold our values and purpose when we feel drained and unsteady. While living our values and mission in difficult times is a wonderful sign of authenticity, we can also support our desire to be authentic by taking care of ourselves and living with balance.

To live authentically is a very big challenge. It is a life-long process that one must continually fine-tune and examine. In my quest to be authentic, I find support through the words of Block, the Arbinger Institute and Bill George, just to name a few. I also find guidance for my behaviours, as I determine how to make my desire to be authentic a reality, from Covey and others.
Being that I am human, I am a work in progress. I am an expert at nothing, but a scholar of many. I am not always as authentic as I’d like to be. It is a daily process of learning and self-reflection. It requires an honesty about oneself that is sometimes absolutely painful. It can be embarrassing and disheartening. However, since I am human, I also have that wonderful gift of hope. Hope that tomorrow, or next time I’ll do it better, be better and succeed. It is that hope that allows me to accept the challenge of living authentically.

Authentic Leadership

Authentic Leadership: Rediscovering the Secrets to Creating Lasting Value, by Bill George is a great book on leadership. George's own experiences as a Chairman and CEO are used as he delves into his views and thoughts about leadership.
What makes this book really enjoyable is that it isn’t a prescriptive book that tells you HOW to be. Rather, George sets the groundwork for individuals to examine their own lives, challenging them to accept the challenge to embrace their own authenticity. George states: “Authentic leaders genuinely desire to serve others through their leadership. They are more interested in empowering the people they lead to make a difference than they are in power, money, or prestige for themselves. They are guided by qualities of the heart, by passion and compassion, as they are by qualities of the mind.” (George, 1989, p. 12)
In Authentic Leadership, George identifies five dimensions of leadership: purpose, values, relationships, self-discipline, and heart. Leaders, George asserts in the first dimension, must “understand their purpose.” (George, 1989, p. 19) The understanding of one’s own purpose is the foundation of authentic leadership and, I would suggest, authenticity. Purpose is the understanding of self and what intrinsically motivates. It is this knowledge that not only creates purpose, but passion for that purpose. For a consultant or a leader it is that passion which inspires and motivates others to follow, to listen, and to be influenced.
The second dimension which George identifies is values. Authentic leaders, George asserts, are those who are “true to your [their] values.” (George, 1989, p. 37) Those who are authentic not only know what their values are, they also live them. Those who are authentic have had their values tested through their various experiences and their values and behaviours have been congruent within those challenges. George also states that when people are authentic and they live their values they are demonstrating “integrity in action.”
Developing compassion is the third dimension of authenticity in George’s book. George stresses the need to “develop our hearts…Through the connections formed through personal sharing, people are inspired to believe in their leaders and follow them.” (George, 1989, pp. 39 – 40) These statements bring us back to Block’s own words at our class: “Authenticity is putting into words what we are feeling in the moment.”
The fourth dimension of authenticity described by George is to have connected relationships. Simply put, George states that “Leaders who are open with people, even when sharing bad news or offering critical feedback, establish that sense of connection that builds commitment.” (George, 1989, pp. 40-41) That connection, asserts George is the authentic quality of the relationship. It is authenticity in action.
The final dimension of authenticity, for George, is practicing self-discipline. As George states, “To be authentic, leaders must behave with consistency and self-discipline, not letting stress get in the way of their judgment.” (George, 1989, p. 41) Consistent self-discipline is also about the living of your values, principles, purpose, etc. Simply put, it is ‘walking your talk.’ While easy to state, it is probably the most difficult aspect of authenticity, and the most necessary.
George also clarifies that self-discipline is about all of our behaviours. He asserts that self-discipline includes the need for balance and the ability to de-stress. These are also critical to the authentic leader, as they also create healthy leadership. I believe this added dimension really speaks to authenticity. It requires you to be honest with yourself, not just others. It asks you to set boundaries and to really understand your own personal needs.
While these dimensions absolutely point to authenticity, in the end it is really about how a person lives them. Authenticity asks if these aspects are evident in the person. I think the presence of these traits is the true measure of authenticity. The mark of the authentic person, then, is in how they show up in the world. Living these qualities with true strength of character, vulnerability and integrity, is what makes a person authentic.

George, Bill. Authentic Leadership: Rediscovering the Secrets to Creating lasting Value. San Fransisco: Jossey-Bass, 2003.

Leading From the Inside Out

“Leadership is authentic self-expression that creates values...Anyone who is authentically self-expressing and creating value is leading.” Leading from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life (video) by Kevin Cashman explores the journey a leader must take to find her own personal purpose. With the determination of personal purpose a leader develops from the inside to become an authentic leader.
Cashman's book challenges readers to examine what guides their behaviours; their persona or their character. Those guided by persona, argues Cashman, make their choices in order to preserve image and control, self-interest, the desire to win at all costs, resistance to change, and other negative attributes. Whereas those guided by character make their choices based on their purpose, being open, and display trust, compassion, courage, inclusion, and adaptability. The essence of character, Cashman suggests, comes from deep within ourselves. Cashman's observations of leaders has brought him to the conclusion that there are seven pathways required to build leadership:
Pathway One: Personal Mastery, is leading through authentic self-expression. It is the ability to live with integrity, and to have congruence between who we are and what we do. Authentic self-expression is speaking from our character, and allowing us to create trust, synergy and connection with everyone around us.
Pathway Two: Purpose Mastery, is leading by expressing our gifts to create value. In this pathway, Cashman explores purpose. A leader who knows his purpose will live with character and know his direction.
Pathway Three: Interpersonal Mastery, is leading through synergy and service. Synergy and service are used in this pathway, as relationship building is examined with a view to authenticity. In terms of sevice, Cashman suggests that “Ultimately, a leader is not judged by how well he or she leads, but how well he or she serves.” (Cashman, p. 110)
Pathway Four: Change Mastery, is leading with agility. The leader who leads with character is adaptable and open. Stephen Covey has said that there are only three constants in life: Change, Choice and Character. Cashman challenges a leader to maintain personal values and principles of character when adapting to change.
Pathway Five: Resilience Mastery, is leading with mastery. It is the ability to choose activities that build energy to continue being a quality leader, rather than choosing activities that diminish energy and leave one unbalanced.
Pathway Six: Being Mastery, is leading with presence. This pathway requires continuous development and self-awareness.
Pathway Seven: Action Mastery, is leading through coaching. It is about building awareness, commitment, and practices for coaching self and others. It is a challenge to capitalize on potential, both inside and out.
Cashman challenges readers to “Commit to the lifelong process of authentically growing as a person in order to grow as a leader.” The book is written with suggestions for practice and questions to consider.

Cashman, Kevin. Leadership From the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life. Minneapolis: TCLG, IIc, 1998

Leadership and Self-Deception

The Arbinger Insititute's book: Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box is a wonderful book.
The title word, “leadership” shouldn’t mislead the reader into assuming that the book is only for a title leader. Truly, this is a book for anyone; anyone who leads her own life...which is, of course everyone.
What if you discovered that the reason you were frustrated or unhappy with someone was related very much to your actual perceptions and the way you responded to them
What if you examined your annoyance with someone and you discovered that you were actually exacerbating and continuing the problem?
What if you remembered that you truly have the most influence over your own behaviours and perceptions and you took responsibilty for those?
If you were able to manage that, you would be on your way to moving out of self-deception.
I know that this book has become a checkpoint for my own self-awareness and growth. Each time I practice its tenets I improve relationships. I am happier and better for it.
Written in a fable style, this book provides insight into a way of being that revolutionizes relationships and personal growth and development. It is also a book that is quick to read. This is good, because there really isn't any way to do it justice without saying, Read It! You'll like it.

Arbinger Institute, The. Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box. San Fransisco. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. 2000.