Becoming

Find the seed at the bottom of your heart! Bring forth a flower. ~ Shigenori Kameoka

Patience is a Virtue....

In The Mummy (first one), Rachel Weisz' character, while trying to decipher some ancient Egyptian is prodded along by her brother. Amidst the chaos of his "hurry up" chatter, she says "Patience is a Virtue" in her British accent and a sing-song voice.

Now perhaps I should be quoting the bible rather than Rachel Weisz, but whenever I am frustrated and start to tell myself to relax, breathe, and have patience, her sing-song voice comes into my head...and it makes me smile.

Today I have been so frustrated, her sing-song voice has been in my head ALL DAY! Luckily I am not sick of it yet....because I've certainly needed that constant reminder.

Patience and I have had a very troubled relationship over the years. Some days, weeks, months, I am just fine and we get along swimmingly. Other times....well not so much. Those are the times when I contemplate physical violence with cartoon ferocity and then I suck in my breath and look for that good old inner strength to sustain me through the moments.

Neuroscience will tell you that when you are stressed blood flow to the frontal cortex is limited...and the frontal cortex is responsible for those reasonable and rational thoughts that we can all be capable of. As the blood is restricted we rely on our mammalian brain....that part nearer the brain stem that tells us to freeze, fight or flee. Apparently I am in the fighting mode!!

Thank goodness there is still some blood flow at the front of my brain or all hell would break lose!!

Just writing about this has brought my blood pressure down and my face out of its grimace... Patience also looks much prettier.

What do you do to stay patient?

Knowing

The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; It is when you don't understand yourself. ~ Author Unknown

What do you do?

In the Feb. 28 edition of the Daily Telegraph, Daniel Pink has an editorial: "Think Tank: Ever felt like your job isn't what you were born to do?"

His editorial questions the common idea that we need to have passion for what we do, and that we must love what we do. It's not that we shouldn't have these things, but Pink also suggests that there is more to having passion for a job.

 

In his editorial, Pink also refers to Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, a book based on the year she spent in her own happiness project.

Pink's editorial and his books: Drive and  A Whole New Brain as well as Rubin's The Happiness Project, are all must reads!

Many people have done what Daniel Pink suggests we do. Whether they are newer ventures such as the two listed below, or family owned businesses that flourish over the generations:

The husband and wife team of Koko's Patissiere (the picture links to their site)

Valley Girl's Catering run by a team of 5 women and that now boasts 3 restaurants.

Iannone's Footwear and Shoe Clinic (they don't have a website), but there is an article about this family run business in our local paper.

Avenue Garage, a family run business that used to run out of a home garage, moved into downtown building and has since expanded.

Those are just a few I can think of right now, there are many more.

How Many Steps?

In the fall at my physical my doctor challenged me to begin tracking how many steps I took each day. She told me that 5,000 steps per day were what you would expect for a sedentary person and my goal was to get to 10,000 steps per day. 

I began tracking my steps...I barely hit 3,000 the first day. I didn't set out to do more than usual, but I did assume that I was walking a decent amount already. The 3,000 even included a quick 15 minute walk with my dog, for goodness sakes!


It's a bit more work than I expected.

So, over the last couple of months I've been tracking my steps and trying to get more every day. Some days I definitely get closer to my goal of 10,000, other days not so much. I do want to lose weight, as well, so I actually need to get to at least 12,000/day.

Here is some research I found from About.com:

Based on the best evidence as of the end of 2003, Dr. Catrine Tudor-Locke recommends the following:

Classification of pedometer-determined physical activity in healthy adults:
1) Under 5000 steps/day may be used as a "sedentary lifestyle index"

2) 5,000-7,499 steps/day is typical of daily activity excluding sports/exercise and might be considered "low active."

3) 7,500-9,999 likely includes some exercise or walking (and/or a job that requires more walking) and might be considered "somewhat active."
4) 10,000 steps/day indicates the point that should be used to classify individuals as "active".
5) Individuals who take more than 12,500 steps/day are likely to be classified as "highly active".

If you add just 2000 more steps a day to your regular activities, you may never gain another pound. So says research by Dr. James O. Hill of the Center for Human Nutrition at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center. To lose weight, add in more steps.

Sneaky Steps at Home and Work
• Park in the far back of the parking lot and walk further to the door.
• Get off the bus a stop or two before your usual stop and walk the rest of the way.
• Use the furthest entrance into your workplace from your parking spot or bus stop, and walk through the building to your work area.
• Don't stand, pace - when waiting for the bus, waiting at an elevator, etc. pace around in circles rather than just standing.
• Circle the room when waiting for meetings to start.
• Use the restroom, copy machine, water fountain, break room, etc. that is further from your work area.
• Take the stairs rather than the elevator, especially for one to three floors, both up and down.
• When making a phone call, stand up and pace around as you talk.
• Rather than phone or email, walk to a coworker's office or neighbor's house and talk to them live.
• When people stop to talk with you, make it a moving meeting and walk around together while chatting.
• Hide the TV remote and walk to the TV to change channels.
• During TV commercials, get up and walk around the house.
• When doing errands, park in a central location and walk to your store destinations.

• Return the shopping cart all the way into the store after grocery shopping.

• Never drive through - get out and park and walk into the bank or fast food stop instead.


Short Dedicated Walks
• Marching Minutes - every 30 minutes get up from your desk or easy chair and do 1-5 minutes of walking in place and stretching your arms, shoulders and neck.
• Before eating lunch, take a 10 minute walking break.
• Walk the dog.
• Look over your usual trips in the car - are there any that you could do as walks instead, such as to the post office?
• If you take your kids to sports or activities, dedicate 10-20 minutes of that time to walking around after dropping them off or when you arrive early to pick them up.
• When waiting at the airport - secure your bags and take a good walk around the terminal area. Don't take the people-mover sidewalks.

Walking Steps Equivalents

1 mile = 2100 average steps.
1 block = 200 average steps
10 minutes of walking = 1200 steps on average
Bicycling or swimming = 150 steps for each minute.
Weight lifting = 100 steps per minute
Rollerskating = 200 steps per minute

Holiday Stress Busters

I've seen a couple of naturopaths this last year. They now send a monthly newsletter and I got the following from it. Their website is: Head to Heal

Holiday Stress Busters

The holidays: fun for some, nerve-wracking for others. Last minute shopping, wrapping gifts, cooking, socializing, eating, family get-togethers, all on top of our regular routines and responsibilities can take their toll. It's no wonder people find the holidays exhausting, to say the least. Stress is no joke. Physicians have long known that unmitigated stress lowers immune function, triggers inflammation, increases the risk for chronic health concerns such as cardiovascular and autoimmune diseases and can lead to depression.

Most people take this time to let loose and enjoy. However, it's especially important to give your body some added support to weather the demands of the season and ring in a healthy new year. Here are some simple tools that you can use to help lessen the strain that often comes with celebrating the holidays.

Sleep: sleep deprivation is a well-known contributing factor in obesity as well as other chronic health conditions. However, over-sleeping is just as unhealthy as lack of sleep. Try to make sure you get to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning, even on the weekends. This helps establish a natural sleep pattern. Sleep in a dark room to maximize melatonin production.

Delegate: remember that stress sets in when you try and do it all. Ask for help and prioritize.

Avoid 'stress eating': our brains require more energy when stressed. When you're pressed for time, it's easy to forget what your naturopathic doctor told you about reaching for convenience foods. Processed and sugary foods cause insulin levels to spike which compounds your body's perception of stress. Choose foods that lower the Glycemic Index of your meals and snacks. These are foods high in fiber, protein and good fats. They will stabilize your energy levels, your mood and support immune function.

Breathe: what's the first thing we do when we're distracted? We stop breathing! Well, not quite, but our breathing becomes significantly more shallow. When this happens, our blood is not getting fully oxygenated, compromising our body's ability to get the energy it needs to carry out its basic functions. Taking slow deep breaths is the quickest and easiest way to engage the 'rest and digest' branch of our nervous system. When you think of it or notice the signs of stress take a deep breath in while counting to six. Then slowly exhale through pursed lips, again, while counting to six, better yet, ten. At some point, during this exhalation you will notice that your shoulders drop and release their tension. Your body will thank you.

End your shower with a blast of cold water: we know it’s last thing you want to do on a cold, wintery, Saskatchewan morning. However, this simple trick can go a long way to improving the quality of your blood, your circulation and mental alertness.

Living in the Moment

Living in the moment.

What is really in our control?

It's not uncommon for any of us to say that someone else makes us mad, pushes our buttons, or that it's their fault we did/responded in such a way.

But, if we really admit it, we have all of the control. We choose how we respond. We can't control much in our lives, but we can control ourselves and our responses.

It's a tough reality to face. It's so much easier if other people 'make' us do things, feel things, respond to things, etc. We don't have to own our responses or choices if we can blame someone else, or justify based on an excuse that it is beyond our control.

When I participated in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People workshop, based on Stephen R. Covey's book of the same name a number of years ago, I was reminded of this very important truth.

Since I am a work in progress, I seem to have to be reminded of this truth frequently. ...

In The 7 Habits, Stephen R. Covey reminds of our most human element, our freedom to choose. Between the event and our response we have that moment, that pause button that allows us to choose our response. We can use our self awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will to help us choose that response.

So what does this have to do with living in the moment? Well, when we choose to live in the moment, we choose to let go of the other junk: the past, the negativity of others, our desire to blame or justify our behaviour by blaming another's behaviour.

It's about recognizing what is within our control and what is beyond. We all have a Circle of Influence, that which we care about and which we can control....ourselves, our choices and our behaviours. We also have a Circle of Concern, that which we care about but do not control: the weather, our pasts, others' behaviours, etc.

An interesting point that Covey also makes is that when we remember our circle of influence and focus on it, it actually enlarges our circle of influence. Our proactive focus When we remember these two things: what our circle of influence is and that we have the freedom to choose, we can step into actions that are more effective and yet still be in the moment.

Now, even if this is common sense, as I've often heard Covey quoted: "common sense isn't always common practice."

So, if I use some common sense, I can live in the moment, and let go of that baggage stuff that can hold me back. I can be proactive in my choices and decisions.

Ah...even common sense is something to practice! I guess I'll practice it moment by moment.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey has been around for more than 25 years. I've heard Stephen Covey speak about this book. (What I write is from memory, not direct quotes) He has said that it came about from his research into the leadership and personal development literature of the last one hundred years. He notes in his talks that up until the mid 1950s or 60s, that these books focussed on the development of character. He noted, however, that by the mid 60s these books began focussing more on personality or even manipulation. This literature focussed more on getting people to do what you want, than to influence through personal integrity and intent.


The book is great, but I must admit what I love most is to be in a session learning its materials. If you ever get a chance to attend a workshop, the videos and participant materials are also amazing.

These are the things that I like so much about The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

1. It requires you to think about who you are and what your purpose is.
2. It asks you to live your purpose and gives you skills to make it a reality.
3. It allows you to learn how to master your personal development so that you can become more effective with others.

We can all walk around with our own list of values and principles that we say guide us. The proof is in our living of them. This often takes courage. It's not that we are still teens who can submit to peer pressure. However, even adults sometimes get stuck in their concerns about what others think about us.


The test of true character is what we do when no one is watching. Are we able to be the same in moments of stress as we are in moments of ease?

This book really helps you discover what areas of personal leadership you need to develop and helps you to learn how to 'walk your talk.'


While each person is different, learns differently and needs different things, this book is one that can really help anyone. Whether people are leaders of large corporations, or just leading their own lives, there is so much that they can learn from this book. In the end, you need to apply it to yourself and you need to decide how these principles work for you.

Blink, Malcolm Gladwell

Blink; The Power of Thinking of Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell is New York Times Bestseller. Gladwell was named as Time Magazine's 100 Most Influencial people in 2005 and is a writer for New Yorker magazine . Blink is a book that combines neuroscience and psychology, making it appeal to all sorts of audiences.

"Malcolm Gladwell's fascinating treatise on snap judgments is sure to inspire a following....The writer is in top form in Blink and the reading here is a real pleasure. As in the best of Gladwell's work, Blink brims with surprising insights about our world and ourselves, ideas that you'll have a hard time getting out of your head, you'll itch to share with all of your friends." ~ Farhad Manjoo, Salon

Malcolm Gladwell:
What is Blink about?
It's a book about rapid cognition, about the kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye. When you meet someone for the first time, or walk into a house you are thinking of buying, or read the first few sentences of a book, your mind takes about two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions. Well, "Blink" is a book about those two seconds, because I think those instant conclusions that we reach are really powerful and really important and, occasionally, really good

Gladwell's book takes a look at first impressions and how we can use those to become successful decision makers.

It's time for me to explore his other books. I think that The Tipping Point is next.

The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

A number of years ago I found the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Published in 1997, this small book is a great wake-up call and reminder for those of us who get stuck in old ways of thinking or in accepting other people's truths rather than our own. Really, anyone even those who are well-adjusted find great insights and pieces of wisdom in this book. 

Ruiz's books are based on ancient Toltec wisdom and in the traditions of the Toltec a nagual (shaman) guides an individual to personal freedom. Ruiz is a nagual from the Eagle Knight lineage and he has dedicated his life to sharing the wisdom of the ancient Toltec.

My husband has also read all of his books and is a real fan. If you get a chance, you may want to try one.

Stress Reduction Part VI

This is the last of the Stress Reduction series by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

"Every stress leaves an indelible scar, and the organism pays for its survival after a stressful situation by becoming a little older." ~ Hans Selye

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." ~ Wayne Dyer

Stress Reduction Part V

Part V of Jon Kabat-Zinn's Stress Reduction Series continues in this post. I like his work.

"How we perceive a situation and how we react to it is the basis of our stress. If you focus on the negative in any situation, you can expect high stress levels. However, if you try and see the good in the situation, your stress levels will greatly diminish." ~ Catherine Pulsifer, from My Story

"Stress is not what happens to us.
It's our response TO what happens.
And RESPONSE is something we can choose." ~ Maureen Killoran

Stress Reduction Part IV

This post continues Jon Kabat-Zinn's stress reduction series with part four.

"There are very few certainties that touch us all in this mortal experience, but one of the absolutes is that we will experience hardship and stress at some point.” ~ Dr. James C. Dobson

Stress Reduction Part III

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. ~Chinese Proverb

Stress Reduction Part II

It's not a matter of letting go—you would if you could. Instead of "Let it go," we should probably say "Let it be."~ Jon Kabat-Zinn
Here's more of Jon Kabat-Zinn on stress reduction.

Stress Reduction Part I

Jon Kabat-Zinn has written a number of books about meditation and mindfulness such as: Coming to Our Senses, Everyday Blessings, Wherever You Go, There You Are, Full Catastrophe Living, Letting Everything Become Your Teacher: 100 Lessons in Mindfulness, Arriving at Your Own Door: 108 Lessons in Mindfulness, and Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness.
We have a few of his books at our house and I've begun reading them. What I really like is seeing video footage. Oprah's Soul Series in 2008 included Jon Kabat-Zinn and is quite easy to download.
I've also found this footage on stress reduction. It is a six part series. This is part one.
Jon Kabat-Zinn on Stress Reduction.

"The paradox is that you can only change yourself of the world if you get out of your own way for a moment, and give yourself over and trust in allowing things to be as they already are, without pusuing anything at all." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth is a great read, despite all of its hype. I say that because I have friends who purposely shied away from it for the very reason that it found its way on to Oprah's Book Club list. I tried the book for two reasons, first of all friends had found it to be a good read, secondly I had read and enjoyed another of Tolle's books, The Power of Now, a number of years before. Regardless of why, I simply like the book because of the fact that it makes me think. The very beginning of the book captured my imagination and it continues to stay with me.

Those opening paragraphs are such a different way of looking at our world. Evolution and the big bang doesn't get you to think about the birth of a flower. Neither does Genesis and the seven days. Tolle's paragraphs inspired my imagination and allowed me to think of the world we live in, in a very new way. And those were only the first two pages.

Earth, 114 million years ago, one morning just after sunrise: The first flower ever to appear on the planet opens up to receive the rays of the sun. Prior to this momentous event that heralds an evolutionary transformation in the life of plants, the planet had already been covered in vegetation for millions of years. The first flower probably did not survive for long, and flowers must have remained rare and isolated phenomena, ...
Seeing beauty in a flower could awaken humans, however briefly, to the beauty that is an essential part of their own innermost being, their true nature... (1-2)

In the following video, Tolle discusses his book and how he named it A New Earth.
 
If you've never read it, consider doing so, it's a very thought provoking book.

Leadership and Self-Deception, Arbinger Institute

Leadership and Self-Deception is a book that I cannot recommend enough. This is a book that was written in a fable style. What I like most, is that it is not just about what people consider as traditional leadership. Such as leadership in business. This is about leadership in life. It is about leadership in business, but it is also about leading a family, leading in community, and leading your own personal life.
The Arbinger Institue is the author of this book and their illustration of what self-deception means is insightful and very easy to understand.
I've written a great deal more about this book on the Life on Purpose page, as I reviewed it for a night class I was taking. I have also referenced it in a longer post on that same page in a discussion on authenticity.
It is a book that my sister originally recommended to me. It really challenges me to think differently. I cannot recommend it enough.

What Makes You Happy?

What makes you happy? When it comes right down to it, it's the simple things that make me happy.

Sometimes I get caught up in the busy aspects of life and forget to notice the little things, the simple and easy things in life. When I do, I miss those opportunities to smile and to be happy. I notice that many people run around searching for those big ticket items to make themselves feel better. Fancy cars, expensive toys, jewelry, you name it: 'shopping therapy.' Whatever the escape may be, it's an escape that blinds you to that opportunity to notice the small pleasures.

Something I love is the laughter of children. I especially love the belly laugh of a small child, before they are self conscious. What I love the most is the sound of my own children's laughter. Their childhood belly laughs were wonderful. Their adult laughter, especially when they are laughing together warms my heart.

Luckily I have other small pleasures, since they no longer live at home. One is daisies. I love their sunshine smiles. They are joyful flowers. They come in all sizes, tiny as a fingernail others large enough to overflow my two hands. The daisy, above is a close up picture of one from my yard a year ago. It was about the size of a quarter.

Daisies come in many colours and types. My sister has a particular fondness for gerberas. However, white is my favourite. Some people love to see a of a field of tulips, which is very beautiful. I, however, a field or at least a picture of a field of daisies.

I think the one thing about small pleasures is that they actually aren't small at all. Whether they are daisies, children's laughter, the smell of the air after a summer rain, the colour of the sunshine when it shines through the blossoms of our plum tree, a puppy scratching behind its ear and toppling over since it doesn't have good balance, reading a good book on a winter day with the sun shining through, lying in the hammock in the shade on a warm summer day, snowshoing in the northern woods, the list goes on.
Simple things. I need to pay attention to those more.

Energizers and Drainers

Balance in life is always important.
One thing it's good to do is to take stock of those things and people who energize us, and those things and people who drain us.

John Izzo suggests that we maximize the energizers and consider dumping, delegating, or minimizing the drainers.

A simple exercise is to create a T graph. I can't make a T graph on this blog, but this is the basic idea:     

Energizers                                    Drainers         
positive attitudes                            negative attitudes
willingness to help                          complaining

There are, of course others, for both lists. This means two things for me. One is that I sometimes participate in draining behaviours. I drain myself, and obviously I am draining others. I want to practice more energizing behaviours. The second thing is that I want to work more at surrounding myself with more people who practice energizing behaviours.

By doing this, I would be able to strive for more balance, and more positivity in my work and life. I think it would be a good practice for me to engage in.